


en passant

by cafei_au_lei



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Coming Out, First Kiss, Gay Sirius Black, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), just two oblivious boys obliviously thinking the other is cute, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 07:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafei_au_lei/pseuds/cafei_au_lei
Summary: James manages to embarrass himself and figure out yet another secret of Remus' all in one go. Remus spends some time sitting on a cold stone bench in the Astronomy Tower with Sirius; one of them is panicking, and one of them is smoking a cigarette and also panicking, but managing much more successfully to hide it.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	en passant

"It's your turn, Remus."

Remus turned to look at Lily, startled out of his reverie. He could feel Sirius and James watching them; he was trying his best to ignore them, and he wished he could say that this was an effective strategy, but that would be an absolute lie. Throughout the entirety of their friendship, it seemed as if the harder he tried to pretend that he wasn't paying attention to them, the harder they worked to divert his attention from whatever more important task was at hand in order to draw him into something that would most likely be fun but had a rather high chance of also causing regretful consequences.

"Sorry, Lily - erm - I missed your move."

"I moved my rook to D4." Remus felt his gaze involuntarily dart over to his two friends again. As Remus looked up, his eyes inadvertently met Sirius' gaze and he got that funny feeling in his stomach he'd been experiencing more and more lately whenever he was around his friend. That strange, twisting sensation that rather felt as if the bottom had dropped out of his stomach; yet it wasn't wholly unpleasant. Rather the opposite, in fact.

This time, he saw Lily's eyes follow his line of sight, and she rolled her eyes when she saw what was distracting him. "Just ignore them, Remus. It's probably something stupid."

"You know that never works," he muttered, but turned his attention back to his chess pieces with a sigh. Just as he was deliberating whether or not he wanted to sacrifice his bishop, he felt an aggressive tapping on his shoulder. He turned again to find James and Sirius standing right in front of them now.

"Moony, can I have a word?"

Remus was slightly unnerved by James' tone. He supposed perhaps he was trying to sound put together in front of Lily, because he sounded rather miffed, and what had Remus done to annoy him? He opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a huff from Lily.

"You two might not be familiar with the game, but Remus and I are in the middle of a chess match."

"Sorry, Evans," James replied apologetically, reaching down to tug at Remus' sleeve. Remus let out a vague noise of protest as James gently yet firmly grasped his arm, hauling him to his feet.

"It's alright, I'll fill in for him," Sirius drawled, dropping into Remus' involuntarily abandoned seat and letting out a tut of annoyance when he saw the chess board. "Why do you two always have to play the muggle version?"

"That's why I like playing with Remus, he's the only one who actually _knows_ the rules well enough and doesn't have to rely on his pieces to tell him where to go. Makes the game that much more fun, Black, when there's actual strategy involved," Lily retorted. Remus met her eyes with an apologetic shrug as James pulled him away from the table and across the common room to an unoccupied corner.

Remus' brow furrowed in confusion as James turned to face him, arms crossed rather defensively across his chest. "Prongs, what -"

"I've noticed, you know," James said, a sort of forced casual air invading his normally even-toned voice.

"Noticed what?" Remus asked, still feeling extremely baffled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily and Sirius already arguing over the chess board.

"I've noticed that you fancy _someone_ ," James said, rather stiffly. Remus felt his blood run cold. He quickly tore his eyes away from the pair by the fire and met James' gaze head-on, startled to see a hint of challenge in his eyes.

"I - what? Don't be ridiculous," Remus said far too quickly.

_Shit_. How had James noticed already? Remus had only recently come to terms with the rather terrifying fact that he might be harboring a bit of a...crush? Healthy admiration? More-than-friendly-appreciation? Well, he was harboring a bit of a _something_ on Sirius, but he'd been doing his best to tamp down those feelings as he was positive that nothing good would come of it. And James, while bright and observant, well...he still hadn't expected James to catch on quite so quickly, as he'd been rather preoccupied with wooing Lily these days. Remus found himself woefully under-prepared to do damage control so soon.

"It's pretty obvious, mate, so don't even try to deny it," James accused. "Don't insult my intelligence."

"I - I don't -" Remus protested weakly. "It's -" he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his forefinger, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. "It's rather complicated." 

"I'll say."

"I...look, I don't really want to talk about it, okay? Especially not here," he added nervously, glancing back over at Sirius as he sat by the fireplace. He was startled to notice that Sirius was surreptitiously glancing back over at them while Lily was lecturing him on some rule or other - Remus would bet his favorite jumper that Sirius had tried to move a pawn backwards again. He _always_ made that mistake and then would proceed to waste the following fifteen minutes insisting that it was the way he'd always played, which Remus knew was bullshit because Sirius hadn't grown up playing chess - or any games, really. Fun was in rather short supply over in the noble and most ancient house of Black, or so he'd heard.

"Well, I do," James retorted. "Do you know what this would do to us, Remus? To our friendship?"

Remus' stomach sank. Of course James would never support the idea of Remus and Sirius being anything but friends; even _if_ Sirius liked boys, and even _if_ Sirius had liked him back, which was an 'if' approximately the size of a hippogriff, it was something he had thought long and hard about while trying to sort out his feelings towards one of his best friends. Trying to figure out whether or not the strength of their friendship was such that it could survive Sirius ever finding out that Remus might fancy him. Not that Remus had ever planned on telling Sirius, of course. At least not anytime soon. He preferred to wait and...simply see what happened. Wait and see if his attraction to Sirius would magically evaporate one day, perhaps, and make his life just a little bit easier than the confusing mess it usually was.

"I...I know, James, I've thought about that too," Remus said, apologetically. "I mean, I'm not planning on...on doing anything about it, if that's what you're worried about. I just -"

"Well, that's not what it seems like to _me._ Since you two have been spending so much time together lately. Could have fooled me."

"I...I suppose," Remus said slowly. "I mean, we've all been spending a lot of time together, haven't we? Isn't that the way it's always been?"

Sure, he and Sirius had spent some time lounging by the lake the other day, but that was only because James was busy at Quidditch practice and Peter was off doing some extra credit project for Herbology. An hour or two spent alone together (an hour or two that, Remus was slightly ashamed to admit, he had quite enjoyed) wasn't that much time, was it? And sure, Remus had been accompanying Sirius more and more often to the top of the Astronomy Tower for late night cigarettes, but James was always asleep at that point and Remus didn't think Sirius had ever mentioned these night-time trips to their other friend, presumably because Sirius didn't really think that they were worth mentioning.

"Not one-on-one, though, like you two. _You_ two are always in the library together, doing who-knows-what," James continued. "I mean, how long could a charms essay _really_ take?"

Now Remus frowned. He couldn't even remember the last time Sirius had willingly set foot in the library, let alone for something as trivial (as he would say) as a charms essay. He often preferred to do his work in bed at the very last minute, and Remus had to begrudgingly admit that it was a strategy that had yet to fail Sirius, nerve-wracking though it might be for Remus to witness. "I...but I didn't work on the charms essay with him."

James stared at him for a moment, brows knitting together in confusion. "Wait, did you just say _him_?"

Remus felt his face heat up, his stomach sinking. "James, wait. Who are _you_ talking about?"

"I - I didn't -" James reached up automatically to run a hand through his hair, as he did whenever he was nervous or agitated. "Wait - are you _gay,_ Moony?"

"Not exactly," Remus felt himself saying defensively. Why _did_ he feel so defensive about it? It's not like there was anything wrong with it, was there? But the way James was staring at him now made him feel acutely uncomfortable. "Stop looking at me like that. There's nothing wrong with it," he snapped.

James looked affronted. "No, of course there's not. Of _course_ not. But what d'you mean, not exactly?"

"I mean, I - yeah, I like boys, but I reckon I still like girls, too," Remus mumbled. "It's - it's a thing. I think I'm bisexual. I dunno, it’s rather confusing. Or maybe not. I don't know.” He was trying to look anywhere but at James' face. When he finally looked at his friend again, he was surprised to see a look of hurt flash across his face.

"Well, how come you never told us, Moony? We've been over this. No secrets among the Marauders, right? You can trust us with anything!"

Remus felt a surge of guilt. "I dunno, I just - I was still trying to figure everything out myself, and I just...wait. Prongs, who did _you_ think we were talking about just now?"

Now it was James' turn to wince with embarrassment. "Evans, of course," he muttered.

Remus let out a loud laugh before he could stop himself. "You thought I fancied _Lily_?" he asked incredulously. "Just because we study together in the library and play chess together sometimes?"

James rolled his eyes. "Well yeah, when you put it that way, it does sound a bit ridiculous," he replied sheepishly.

"We're just good friends, James," Remus replied exasperatedly. "I thought you _knew_ that. You've been pestering me for information on how many times she mentions you in a conversation, and -"

"Well, she doesn't seem to mention me often, and I thought maybe you were lying about it because you wanted her to yourself," James mumbled.

Remus groaned in frustration. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lily and I just talk about _other_ things? Because we're _friends_? Boys can be good friends with girls without anything further occurring, you know. Lily and I have more in common than just you."

"I mean - I _know_ that, Moony, I know you and Evans are friends, it's just...Pads mentioned recently that you two had been spending a lot of time together lately, and I started thinking about it more, and I started to think maybe something was going on there, is all. I overthought it, I was stupid. Sorry."

Remus opened his mouth to respond, then paused. _Sirius_ had brought this idea up to James? Why was Sirius paying attention to how much time he was spending with Lily? And how would he have mentioned it to James in a way that would make James suspicious, when Remus and Lily had been friends since their first year without anyone thinking anything of it? What exactly _had_ he said to James?

“I...that’s daft,” Remus replied slowly, still mulling over this information in his head.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, mate," James replied apologetically. "I feel like a dick."

"Lily and I. _Honestly_." Remus shook his head slightly.

"Say, Moony, you were talking about it being complicated though, before you knew I was talking about Lily," James continued, dark eyes alighting in curiosity now. "If you don't fancy Lily, who _do_ you fancy?"

"Erm -"

"You said he, so it's clearly - also I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - if I forced that out of you, if you weren't ready to share..." James' looked embarrassed again, brows creasing in concern.

"It's alright. I would have told you all eventually," Remus mumbled. _As soon as I'd figured out how to ensure that Sirius_ ** _never_** _realizes I spent all of last Potions class thinking about the way he was using his wand to secure his hair in a knot._

"I - right. Well...now that I know, who is it? Maybe I can help you out." James grinned at him now, looking slightly relieved to be slipping back to his normal, joking self. "You put in a good word with Evans, I put in a good word with your good sir, eh? How about it? Do I know him?”

Remus rolled his eyes and prepared to come up with some vague protest of denial; but at that moment, he felt a heavy hand clap his shoulder, and turned to see Sirius standing beside him, grinning. Before he could control it, he felt his cheeks burn as he stammered out a greeting.

"Hey there, Moony. Evans _really_ wants her chess partner back," Sirius said casually.

"Er - yes, I should probably - I'll just - I'll head back to her, then?" Remus glanced over at James, praying he wouldn't notice how flustered Remus had suddenly gotten. But to his horror, James' eyes were suddenly widening as they flitted between Sirius' hand, which was still resting on Remus' shoulder, and Remus' face, which he was sure was still glowing redder than a Remembrall.

"Oh -" James said quietly.

"Yes, we've finished our talk, so I'm going to go finish my game now," Remus said quickly.

"Sorry -" James started to say.

"No apologies necessary, just a misunderstanding," Remus said, forcing his voice to sound light. "I'm going to finish this game with Lily, and then we can go down to dinner together?"

"Yeah - yeah, we'll go down to dinner together," James said, continuing to stare at him, his eyes far too wide for Remus' liking. Remus nodded at the two of them, giving them a grin that he prayed looked far less pasted on than it felt.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him. "By the way, Moony, I lost both your bishops and a rook. And your queen. Hope I didn't ruin your game too much."

"Thanks for that, Padfoot." Remus rolled his eyes, trying and failing to suppress a small, genuine smile. "Suppose we'll get down to dinner quicker if my game's already ruined, then."

"That was all part of my plan, mate," Sirius said with a wink. For perhaps the seventeenth time that evening, Remus cursed his propensity for blushing; he rolled his eyes and turned his head quickly, hoping that the lighting in the common room was dim enough that Sirius wouldn't be able to tell anything was amiss as he quickly made his way back to Lily.

The rest of their game was rather uneventful and mercifully quick, as Sirius had managed to do great damage in little time to any chance Remus had of winning; Remus didn't mind, as his mind was now preoccupied with slightly panicked thoughts about the fact that James knew how he felt about Sirius. How was he ever going to act normal in front of them - either of them - when he knew that _James_ knew that Remus was in possession of some thoughts and feelings that may very well change the dynamic of their tight-knit group? 

_Merlin, why does everything have to be so weird and complicated? Why can't just_ **_one_ ** _thing in my entire goddamn life ever be simple?_

* * *

Remus managed to get through dinner, mercifully without incident; he'd been sat across from Peter, and Peter spent most of the meal fretting incessantly about a Potions assignment they had due the next day; attempting to soothe his friend's nerves had provided a welcome distraction. He'd also never been so grateful for prefect patrol duty as he was that night, as it gave him an excuse to further avoid Sirius and James.

He trudged up the stairs to their dormitory rather late, and was not surprised to see that everyone was already asleep. As he pulled the curtain back to climb into bed, he spotted something just barely sticking out from underneath his pillow. He pulled it out to find it was a slightly crumpled piece of parchment, James' messy handwriting scrawled across it in green ink.

_Dear Moony,_

_I'm sorry again about earlier. I don't think you know how much of an arse I feel for having forced you into the position of having to tell me something you weren't ready to tell. I know that you are already far too familiar with the feeling of carrying a secret which you don't yet know if you can share with your friends, and so I'm sorry that I've made you uncomfortable. I hope you know that your secret is safe with me, and that none of the other Marauders will know until you're ready - I solemnly swear it. I also hope you know that we're friends no matter what, right? Your secrets will always be safe with us, and you will always be safe with us._

_I also really should not have talked about Evans like that. I know it sounded possessive and it's just that I really, really like her but it's not like I have a claim on her because she's a person, and even if it_ **_was_ ** _Evans you liked then that would be okay because you're one of my best mates and we can go through anything together. Anyway, sorry again for sounding like such a nutter. Or perhaps I should say thank you for continuing to be my friend despite knowing I'm such a nutter._

_I owe you a Butterbeer next trip to Hogsmeade (and yes, I'm quite aware that I already owe you several to make up for the fallout of the Great Kipper Incident of December '74; just keep adding to my tab, alright?)_

_See you tomorrow morning when I drag your sorry arse out of bed for breakfast (I'd like to be on time at least once this month, please and thank you kindly!)_

_-Prongs_

_P.S. So in your objective, wise, informed opinion - out of me, Sirius, and Peter, who is the most dashing and why is the answer me?_

Remus finished reading the note with a slight grin, folding it up and slipping it into one of the books that was sitting on the chest beside his bed. He was just drawing back the duvet when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He whirled around to see Sirius sitting cross-legged on his own bed, still fully clothed.

"Jesus christ, Sirius, you scared me," Remus hissed. "I thought everyone was asleep -"

"Fancied a fag, come to the Astronomy Tower with me?" Sirius whispered, slipping gracefully off his bed and grabbing the packet of cigarettes from his dresser.

"Er -"

"Come on, Moony, I need company. You know how bored I get up there alone." Even in the near-complete dark of the dormitory, Remus could see Sirius' grin. Or rather he heard Sirius' grin in his voice, and he could picture it perfectly in his mind's eye. He'd noticed recently how Sirius' right eye crinkled the tiniest bit at the corner when he smiled widely; he was embarrassed to have made this slightly pleasing discovery.

Remus sighed, thinking longingly of his warm bed; yet, to his shame, the prospect of another few moments alone with Sirius, even if it was only to sit next to him while he smoked, was far too tempting to turn down. "Fine. But let's make it quick, yeah? I'm tired and I don't feel like catching another detention, we're just finally getting back into McGonagall's good graces."

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius whispered. "I don't think we've ever been in her good graces to begin with, anyway. Hurry up, Sir Prefect, put your shoes back on, let's go."

Once they were sitting on their usual stone bench in the tower, Sirius lit his cigarette. He took a drag and offered it to Remus, who shook his head; shrugging, Sirius turned to gaze absentmindedly through one of the openings in the parapet. Remus had to admit that the Astronomy Tower had not often been his preferred locale, mostly for reasons having to do with the way the moon was always extremely bright and extremely large and extremely visible no matter where in the tower you were sitting, but it was convenient for a quick smoke, and he'd been realizing that he'd never really minded coming up here with Sirius, and that he'd been giving less and less thought to the moon the more often they came up here. This was far from the first time he'd spent more than a few minutes with Sirius alone in the Tower; James and Peter were early risers, both by necessity (Quidditch) and preference respectively, and therefore they both preferred an earlier bedtime; Sirius, on the other hand, was often still up and reading in his bed by wandlight whenever Remus made his way up to the dormitory from prefect duty or from his preferred study spot in the common room.

The first few times Sirius had asked him to accompany him to the Astronomy Tower for a smoke, he'd been a rather reluctant companion, missing the warmth of his bed as they sat on the cold stone bench up in the Tower. He'd often wondered if Sirius would have asked him for his company if James were awake; he'd often thought that the answer was likely not.

More often than not, they talked of things light and shallow and easy, complaining about their course load or discussing what they would do during the upcoming full moon in the practiced way that Remus' friends had always made him feel slightly less apprehensive about his transformations. Their conversations had begun to take on a heavier, deeper tone as of late, however. Sirius would occasionally share rather horrific stories about his family and his childhood, things he had spoken of when the four of them were all together, but which topics he'd usually handled with a more casual, offhanded manner; not like the way he'd started to talk about them up on the Astronomy Tower, bitterness clouding his tone as he voiced his desires to get away from his family forever. He did not look at Remus when talking about these things.

Remus had found himself opening up more about his childhood, as well; like Sirius, he'd spoken of his transformations, his parents, the difficulty that his condition had imposed on him his entire life, at first with reluctance but with slightly more openness as it became clear his friends didn't care about what he was; but he still often tried to downplay it. He'd seen pity in the eyes of more than one of his professors when he'd had to ask to reschedule an exam or for an extension due to his illness; he didn't think he could stand to see the pity in the eyes of his closest friends. He could still barely fathom the fact that they'd become Animagi just for him; sometimes he had the niggling thought that maybe his condition had just given them an excuse to accomplish such a difficult magical process, to give them something new and fun and challenging to do.

Yet, as he'd told Sirius about his earlier memories of his transformations, about the pain and the stress of his parents and the illness of his mother, he hadn't found it all that difficult to talk about the subject frankly and openly, much more so than he'd anticipated; Sirius had asked questions in his usual blunt and straightforward way, and it was easy to answer them. Sirius simply wanted to know more - Remus heard neither pity nor morbid curiosity in his voice when he asked his questions, and so Remus had answered them in equally a straightforward manner. And when he'd finally looked up, he'd seen Sirius watching him thoughtfully, looking away quickly as he took another drag from his cigarette. It had been strange; he'd spent so much time with Sirius, yet the look Sirius had given him was as if he was seeing Remus for the very first time, or as if he was seeing him in a different light. Remus had felt confused, embarrassed, and - he was ashamed to admit it - slightly thrilled at the way Sirius had been looking at him; he had been trying extremely hard not to think about it ever since.

Even that one time he'd caught Sirius looking at him, however, he'd never felt so acutely self-conscious as he did now. They sat in silence for several moments; Remus toyed with the edge of the Invisibility Cloak, the silky material sifting through his fingers providing him a vague comfort. Sirius flicked some ash from the butt of his cigarette, clearing his throat in a rather uncharacteristically anxious fashion.

"Moony, can I ask you something?"

Remus swallowed. _Shit. James wouldn't have - but James promised, didn't he? He said he wouldn't tell Sirius or Pete. He wouldn't have told Sirius._ "Erm - of course, Padfoot."

"Ever kiss a girl?" Sirius asked, forced casualness evident in his voice.

Remus felt slightly confused; he knew that _Sirius_ knew that he had, in fact, kissed a girl. He was more than slightly confused now, honestly, but he decided to go along with it simply because he was not quite sure how else to react.

"Er, yes, I have - you know that, Padfoot. Remember Aisling?"

"I do remember Aisling," Sirius replied evenly. "She was all over you at that party after we won against Ravenclaw, if I remember correctly. Did you like it? When she kissed you, I mean."

Remus felt his cheeks warm. "Erm...yes, it was nice, I suppose." And it happened extremely quickly and Remus thought he _might_ have imagined it, but it looked as if Sirius' face fell slightly. He looked almost...disappointed. _Strange._ "Why - why do you ask?"

Sirius shrugged. "No reason." He scuffed the chair leg a few times with his boot. "I mean - you said it felt nice, but did it feel...I dunno. Did it feel right?"

"What do you mean, did it feel right?"

"I mean exactly what I said," Sirius said rather roughly. "Did it - I mean, did it feel _right_ to you?"

"Sirius, what - I mean, it didn't feel _wrong_ , if that's what you're asking. I - I enjoyed it, yeah," Remus responded hotly. For some unexplainable reason he suddenly felt slightly defensive. "Aisling's very nice and I think she's quite pretty and I enjoyed kissing her, and why the hell are we talking about this right now?"

"Never said she wasn't pretty. I have eyes too, you know," Sirius replied rather snidely. He was no longer looking at him. "What about Evans? She's pretty, too."

Remus gaped at him. "Padfoot, are you mad? Merlin, between you and James today - _no_. Lily's a friend. I mean, she's pretty, but - no. I haven't kissed her, if that's what you're asking. Jesus fucking christ. I mean, even if Prongs wasn't utterly obsessed with her, I wouldn't - she's a good friend, is all." He couldn't quite tell, but he thought a look of satisfaction might have flitted across Sirius' face at this admission. So perhaps Sirius _had_ planted that deranged idea in James' head because he had a vested interest in...what? Remus' currently rather nonexistent love life? "Did James say something about..."

"James hasn't said anything to me today aside from the fact that he was worried about you and Evans, and then suddenly he wasn't. And that he felt stupid for even thinking it was a potential problem. But I just thought I would check. To be sure." Sirius let out a sigh, or a huff of annoyance - Remus couldn't quite tell. Sirius was still refusing to look at him, staring straight ahead at the parapet again. He kicked his heel against the stone floor, the rubber of his boots making a dull smacking sound as he continued to absentmindedly tap his foot. "And I've kissed girls, too."

"Right..." Remus said slowly. "I know." Sirius was silent, and Remus felt as if he was perhaps supposed to be the one filling the silence. "Did...erm...did _you_ like it?" This had to be easily the most awkward conversation Remus had participated in within the past several months. And he had accidentally interrupted _many_ a canoodling couple while on his prefect patrol, so that was rather saying something.

"It was fine," Sirius muttered. "I mean...it wasn't _bad,_ technically speaking, but it didn't...feel quite right. I didn't...it never felt as nice as everyone told me it should. Not like kissing boys feels like to me, anyways."

Remus felt himself flush even more. "Oh."

"I suppose this is my way of telling you I'm gay," Sirius finished abruptly, looking directly into Remus' eyes now. Remus could only nod. Was Sirius telling him this because...? _No_. There was no way Sirius could have any sort of interest in him. Sirius was simply opening up to him, as he had been more and more often during their time together on top of the Astronomy Tower. Remus couldn't allow himself to think...to _hope_ that this was Sirius' roundabout, confusing way of letting Remus know that he maybe thought of Remus the way Remus had been thinking of him. That would be absurd. _Wouldn't it be?_

"I...I appreciate you telling me that, Sirius," he replied carefully. He was struck by a sudden, wild courage, however, emboldened by the darkness that nearly obscured their faces. "Well, I've never kissed a boy before."

"Didn't think you had," Sirius replied, though he was looking at Remus curiously now.

Remus swallowed, quickly trying to stifle the part of his brain screaming at him to shut up before he lost his nerve. "I've always...I've wondered about it, though, you know." He was gripping the edge of the Invisibility Cloak so tightly in his fist now that he thought the silvery, fine material might rip.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. " _Oh._ So you...but you said..."

"I reckon I like both," Remus said. "I did like kissing Aisling. And I mean, I haven't kissed a boy yet, but I think...I mean, I _know_ I would like to. So you're...you're not alone there, I suppose is what I'm trying to say," he finally finished lamely. _No no no what the_ ** _fuck_** _were you thinking he's going to think you're mad what are you_ ** _doing_** _shut up shut up shut up you stupid stupid idiot he's your friend he's Padfoot he's Sirius Black he'd never think that way about you he's never going to want to speak to you again shut up shut_ ** _up_** _-_

Sirius' voice suddenly cut into his panicked thoughts. "We could try, if you'd like."

"We - _what_?"

"We could try kissing, so you can see whether or not you like kissing boys," Sirius replied matter-of-factly. "Or just so you can see how it feels."

"I - are you..." Remus frowned. "Are you taking the piss, or -"

"Of course not," Sirius said, sounding affronted. "I'm _serious_." And although Remus could hear the grin in his voice as he said this, he knew that Sirius meant it. Sirius stubbed out his cigarette, turning to straddle the bench so that he could face Remus more fully. "I'm not taking the piss Remus, of course not - I wouldn't, not with this. So how about it, then?" His voice was as casual as if he were asking Remus whether he'd finished an Arithmancy exam.

Remus wasn't expecting this to happen quite so...quickly and easily, perhaps. Was this really a good idea? He had to admit there was not much he wanted more than to kiss Sirius now that the opportunity had simply presented itself like a neatly wrapped present in his lap, but what if it didn't work out? Then again...it was just one kiss, right? To experiment. For...the sake of knowledge. Remus liked to do things thoroughly and carefully, and...well. Surely this should be no exception.

"I - er - yes, okay."

"Okay?" Sirius sounded... _hopeful_. Remus reminded himself that perhaps Sirius really was only offering this to help him out. To help him figure himself out. Sirius was doing him a favor, really. It didn't necessarily mean anything. If James had revealed the same discovery about his sexuality, surely Sirius would offer to kiss him to help him out as well, right? To even the playing field? Right. It was generous of Sirius, really, when Remus thought about it.

"Okay. Yes," Remus said more confidently, nodding. He hoped that Sirius couldn't hear the slight tremor in his voice as he turned to face his friend, quietly sucking in a deep breath. Sirius' knee was pressed against his now, solid and bony through his denims.

"Relax, Moony," Sirius said quietly. "It's just me."

Remus gave a nervous laugh. "I know. I'm...I _am_ relaxed."

Sirius snorted. "You've never been much good at lying, you know that?" He reached out now and cupped Remus' cheek, more gently than Remus would have thought possible; the rough pad of his thumb skimmed lightly over Remus' cheekbone. Remus felt as if all of the air had been forced out of his lungs. "Let me know when you're ready, Moony, yeah?"

"Yeah," Remus replied breathlessly. "Er, I'm - I'm ready." He leaned forward too quickly at the same time Sirius did, bashing his nose against the other boy's.

" _Ow_ -" Sirius recoiled slightly, rubbing his nose before letting out a loud, barking laugh.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Remus said hurriedly, mortified. "Jesus, I'm - erm - is your nose okay? We - maybe we - I mean I want to, still, if you want to, but if you _don't_ want to -"

"Shut up, Moony. I'm rather fond of your nose anyway," Sirius said now, and Remus barely had time to process his words before Sirius leaned forward again and then, suddenly, he was kissing him.

Sirius' lips were warm and slightly chapped; Remus sat dumbly for a moment until Sirius' other hand came to rest lightly on his knee, fingers curling to press softly into his thigh. The warmth of his hand through the worn, thin fabric of Remus' trousers spurred him to finally react. He parted his lips, allowing Sirius' tongue to slip beside his own. Sirius tasted like smoke and menthol and the vaguest hint of the spearmint gum he was always chewing, and his tongue was surprisingly gentle.

Without thinking, Remus reached up to slide his fingers through Sirius' hair, pulling him even closer; for a brief moment, he worried that he was taking this too far, that he was giving too much away, that he was reacting too eagerly. But then Sirius gave wordless approval in the form of a groan low in his throat, and Remus nearly gasped as Sirius suddenly gripped the side of his jumper, tugging on it as he deepened the kiss, his other hand sliding from Remus' cheek and into his hair. Remus' nose pressed almost painfully against his Sirius' cheek as their lips slid together, and Remus was suddenly shockingly aware of the light tickle of Sirius' eyelashes against his own cheek.

Remus _did_ like kissing boys. Very much so.

They broke apart nearly as suddenly as they had started. Remus was embarrassed to find himself rather out of breath, but when he looked up, Sirius appeared nearly as disheveled as he felt. Sirius recovered quicker, however, flashing Remus a grin as he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it down where Remus had mussed it.

"So what do you think, Moony?"

"Erm." Remus swallowed. "I - erm."

"That bad, huh?" Sirius teased, but Remus swore he could hear a note of self-doubt creeping into his voice.

"No!" Remus reassured him hurriedly. "No, I - it was nice. Really nice, actually." He felt himself flush.

"Really nice?"

"Really nice," Remus replied firmly. "Really, really nice."

"Glad to hear it," Sirius replied smugly.

"I...thanks for - erm - helping me try it out. I appreciate it." Remus nearly cringed at how formal he sounded, as if he were thanking Sirius for lending him his broom.

"Right." Sirius sounded rather guarded now. "You're welcome, I suppose. I'm glad I could help you sort it out. It was nice for me, too, by the way. Kissing you, I mean." Remus' heart jumped into his throat, but before he could say anything, Sirius turned away from him suddenly, hopping to his feet. "We should probably get back to the dormitory if we don't want to end up sleeping through breakfast tomorrow."

"Wait, Sirius." Remus stood too, reaching out to grab Sirius' hand before the other boy could go any further. Sirius whirled around with a vague noise of surprise. "I didn't mean - I mean, thank you. But I also..." he trailed off uncertainly. "I mean...I wouldn't mind...that is, if you wanted to...to do this again sometime. I wouldn't mind doing this again sometime. I really liked - I mean, now I've kissed a boy, and I know that I like it, but I also kissed _you_ and I liked kissing _you_ , too." The rest of his sentence came out in a nervous jumble, and he saw Sirius' eyes widen. "Only if you'd want to, though, of course," he continued hastily. "I wouldn't - if you don't feel the same, it's completely -"

His panicked rambling was muffled as Sirius leaned forward to press a quick, hard kiss against his lips. Remus stood still, slightly dumbfounded, and then Sirius pulled back, reaching for the invisibility cloak and gesturing towards the door to the staircase as if what he had just done was the most natural thing in the world. "Let's get back to the dormitory."

Remus nodded, his cheeks burning. "Right."

"You'll need your beauty sleep if I'm going to drag you up here for another snog tomorrow night," Sirius replied over his shoulder, grinning as he threw the cloak over the both of them.

Perhaps the Astronomy Tower really wasn't so bad, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all, I hope you and yours are staying safe and healthy in these times!
> 
> I've read plenty for this pairing, but this is my first time writing for them - thoughts and comments are welcome, but please be (relatively) gentle :) I've been suffering from some rather bad writer's block recently, so I've had this oneshot drifting around in my drafts for quite awhile but I decided to just finish it off and shove it out into the world whether it wanted to go or not. That being said, I had lots of fun writing these two teenaged, lovable idiots. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


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